Chinglish Gambino

Warning: the following post makes use of the Chinese language. Apologies in advance for those who neither speak Mandarin nor know pinyin (I’m looking at you, Cantos).

I’ve given this schpeel to a number of my friends. Because of mass immigration into this wonderful country, many ethnic versions of English have evolved over time.  For instance, there is Ebonics, there is Spanglish, and there is also…Chinglish.

Proper Chinese was definitely not emphasized in my household growing up…I briefly went to Chinese school, and retained enough to get by, but not enough to feel that comfortable in front of native speakers. Over time, I learned to communicate with my parents using a combination of the two languages (mainly English).  And now, I have devised a system which breaks down my own “dialect” of Chinglish – since everyone has tamen ziji de style, ya know?

People have accused me of butchering two languages at the same time. I say, I’m just trying to make everyone’s life easier. The key rule of my Chinglish: try to minimize syllables (to reduce time and make for more efficient conversation). By injecting the right Chinese into English sentences, and vice versa, you can turn your sentence from an A- to an A+!

Applications

#1: Just add an –s to Chinese nouns that are fewer syllables than English nouns.

Ex. You walk into a Chinese restaurant. You sit down, slap your hand down on the table, and be like, “Yo waiter, can I get some….bingshuis (iced waters)?!” # of syllables: 2 < 3 --> OKAY

#2: Just add an –ing to Chinese verbs.

Ex. You come home from a long day of ballin’ out on the court. You go upstairs to take a shower while your mom is making dinner. Your mom yells in Chinese, “Lai Chi Ba (Come Eat!)” You yell back, “Dengyideng (Wait a sec), wo xijiao-ing (I’m showering)!” Because the Chinese present progressive version of the –ing is “zhengzai”, while “-ing” is just one. 1 < 2 --> OKAY

#3: Some English words are completely outclassed by Chinese words in any situation, and vice versa (usually nouns).

Ex. Medicine is “yao” in Chinese. Why would I ever say Medicine again when I can just use “yao”? 1 syllable for the price of 3 - what a deal!

Ex. Ketchup is “fanqie jiang” in Chinese. Just use Ketchup in a Chinese sentence since it’s 2 vs. 3.

In conclusion, I hope that I've given you a good idea of how to speak “Chinglish”. One of my long-term probably-will-never-get-done ideas is to adopt a rapper persona called “Chinglish Gambino” and put out mixtapes with Chinglish rap songs. Working title of my first single is “Dim Sum Parlor”.  Peace out, my readers…I hope to ganbei with each and every one of you.